A Year Later…

Hello all,

well not all, just myself…

it’s currently 1:25 AM on a Saturday night and I just woke up about 2 hours ago, couldn’t find myself going back to sleep… I haven’t wrote for awhile…

Here’s what’s new!

1. I got a new laptop! at an awesome deal
2. Max and I made it through a year
3. I had lost about 30 pounds from my diet from Jet and had recently gained 10-20lbs back –___-“
4. I’m stressed
5. I’m stressed
6. I’m scared
7. I don’t know what to do
8. I’m lost
9. I’m scared
10. I’m…. tatongka!
11. I’m sad
12. I’m depressed and I keep gaining weight
13. No matter how big my smile is, a huge pain is right underneath it
14. I need God
15. I need faith
16. I learned a lot about Max
17. I learned a lot about love
18. I learned a lot about patience
19. I learned how to trust again

I love my laptop except the nginnnnggggg sound from the fan or something. There’s a lot to tell about Max. Yes I lost 30lbs but yet gained it almost all back cuz of the trip to Michigan my tummy went big again :(

Max

My love, my man, my boyfriend, my husband, my babyboo, my pupsik, my tupoy, my tupsik, my jorok, my everything… Truly the only romantically opposite sex human being that loves me unconditionally. Sometimes I think he’s crazy for being with someone like me who is fat, loud, snores, cry baby, etc2. but yet he still loves me, he said the outer appearance doesn’t matter to him, what’s important is my heart. I love him so much. He doesn’t realize but because he loves me I understand what love really is.

1. Love is patient
2. Love is kind
3. Love does not envy
4. Love does not boast
5. Love is not proud it is not rude
6. Love is not self-seeking it is not easily angered
7. Love keeps no records of wrong
8. Love does not delight in evil but it rejoices with the truth
9. Love always protects
10. Love always trusts
11. Love always hopes
12. Love always perseveres

–1Corinthians13:4-8a

You see, if you replace “love” with “Max”, it is everything he is! I know he’s the one I want to marry that I want to spend the rest of my life with…

but

but the course of true love never did run smooth says Shakespeare… If you’re a movie go-er you’ll notice that ALL love story, lovey-dovey movies have a part where they needed to be separated for awhile then they reunite and they live happily ever after… Yes it’s very “Awwwh” towards the end but even in movies they have problem that both sides need to solves in order to be together later on. The difference from movie and real life is that in movies you can always just put “6 months later” or “3 Years later” etc. but but not in real life! It is much harder to wait for that 6 months or that 3 years… Isn’t it sad? that why I said to Max that I’m not in a movie, why does things have to be so hard???

We all have some sort of problem/s with our “special one” but before I say what it is about mine, I would like to say the usual problem women are having nowadays. The problem/s with many women that are in long term relationships, are waiting for their man to ask their hand in marriage, have man that cheats on them, realize things just don’t work out, he’s not what you’re expected, he’s cheap, he’s broke, he can’t commit, etc. but mine…mine is not even any of these

We knew we’re made for each other, he have asked my hand in marriage for I don’t know how many times and my answers is always “yes”, we trust each other, we work things out, he’s what I expected, he commit to me, he knows nobody else can love him the way I do and vice versa but then here comes the problem…

papers.

I’m still waiting on my case to be approved and my love is an international student. What do I do? I’m going crazy trying to think of a way out… I’m drained! I’ve cried my heart and my mind out. Going crazy and blaming myself why can’t I be a citizen already since I’ve lived here for 10 years! so much being in love… my heart is aching, my mind is exhausted. It kills me every time the thought of m__c__ come across my mind. I’m tired. I just want to be happy. I want to be with the one I need the one I want. Truly my head is tired from running 100/mph thinking about all this. God I need you. I need a miracle, I need hope.

Things happens for a reason. All of these things are preventing me to have a normal relationship with Max. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what God can do.

That’s all for tonight. It’s 2:30am and I’m ready for bed now…