Even!

So I guess we’re even. Me and Max.

Its five o’clock in the morning on Sunday. I can not sleep. Not at all! My curiosity is challenging me… I was going to sleep and his phone was next to me, And so, I went to check on Max’s text messages, which is probably not a good idea! Well heck! It was NOT a good idea. I guess everyone have something that is for their own reason. I found a text from Max to his friend Chris, that says something like “hey that new girl from D’lush is pretty nice :)” (Seriously? a smiley face? even if i texted Pio I don’t put smiley face) and then his friend asked  if she’s cute and Max’s reply would be “She’s good”….”She’s good”? the question is more “at what?"?” ughhh you see… it’s me again! Why in the world am i so insecure?????????? :’((  I hate this… this new girl is the one that made me all insecure again :( because first of all… Max first commented her on facebook: NANI DESU KA? Can anyone explain? I didn’t want to bring up about the Facebook shit but after what my curiosity wanted to find out, I just had to. I mean Max doesn’t like going clubbing… and all of the sudden he’s suggesting this girl to go to the Highlands? “next time”? FUUUUCKKKKK~! I’m fucking delusional :( I’m supposed to trust my boyfriend….right? then she replied “Lol wassup green cafe!! Ahha yea fo sho! I'm down.” Obviously this girl is just being friendly…but what if your boyfriend commented on her wall again:

  awhhh how cute…now my boyfriend wants to know if she’s having fun or not… I mean c’mon?! Max HARDLY to almost NEVER comments me on facebook!!!! This is such a heartbreak!! :(

and this comes next:

 

OK…. “NEXT TIME”???? I am honestly just worried and my self-esteem is going lower and lower along with my insecurities level :(

Like I said,,,, I didn’t want to bring this up because all of my jealousy I have already talked about it with Raisa n Pinky… And I don’t want /cant to bring it up Max because I dont want to appear as this jealous insecure low self esteemed girl! I guess I rather keep the hurt to myself…I mean I’ve been hurt many times before…why can’t i just try to stand this one? I dont want Max' to be like “I’m not gonna tell this girl anything then” or “I dont want this girl to check my phone” or “I’ll just do it behind my back”… I want to talk to him about this because maybe he have a reason for it… Reason that I can believe.

And earlier when I found the txt msgs… It just pulled my last nerve… I need to know what’s going on… Am I being stupid again? My heart felt like it has been stabbed in the center when I read that txt.  Am I being stupid again? Max told me no matter how I feel about something, I should tell him. But I dont think jealousy stuff should be told to him because by telling him, it is the only way to make him weigh how much I get jealous ets. :(

I named the title “Fair” because one time Max’ read my txt msgs and I had txt to pio saying for him to come to LA to go clubbing so i suppose it equalized with this. But trust me, my heart is fragile than anyone else’s.

I hope I will find what is going on soon because my heart can’t take anymore stabs. Sometimes you just have to know if it will be worth your time or not.