huuu
idk why im suddenly emo… Im just gonna be honest. I somehow feel scared… Im scared to lose max, scared that what if some other girl/s makes him happier than I make him happy? scared if he acts differently when im there and when im not. scared he needs to hide something from me so I wont get mad or upset. stop doing what he likes to do because of me. this might just be the shot that’s making me feel so down and below. tears don’t do anything at all. I really don’t know what to do. im so scared of getting hurt but ill prolly get hurt anyways. I hate being a jealous bitch, I know its not healthy and im trying not to take it out on him but ill just take it out on myself. I don’t know. he says he treats me like im his wife…but really how do you treat your wife?… I don’t know whats going on. im so stressed to the top I think im going crazy. im so stresses about getting the asylum, im stressed what if max have to go back or have to g** m******… I feel hopeless….I really hopeless… im tired of crying… my eyes are running out of tears… why can’t I just be citizen here? who in the world wants to go back to Indonesia where you get threatened or put bomb/s in your church? this 10 years of waiting for asylum to be in a safer place needs to be finished already… US need to give us greencard already! My family are good people and good "residence” of America… has always been good for this past 10 years… what else do you expect??????? you make me wait so long now I’ve fallen in love with an international student and cant do anything about it!! you ruined my life, my hope, and my dreams… what more prove do you want if being a good residence of 10 years isnt enough? bombs are going off everywhere in indo and earthquakes and trunamis are happening all over indo, pastors being killed, church being burnt, and you expect me to go back? HELL TO THE MUTHA FUCKIN NO! you go back to indo and be the president there and see if you want to get an aslyum here… I just finished goodling next international school for my love, but what in the world?! do you expect ALL international student that wants to reach their dreams and goals are all rich?! noooo! some struggle just to get that food on the table…im so pissed so tired so exhausted so tired of crying while typing all of my emotion when all I want is to be with the person I love… to have a taste of your “freedom” to get married here and live here.. I definetly went off topic but really this is how I felt, this letter is to you Mr. Obama who failed to keep his promises to all the immigrants… thank you thank you very much for breaking my heart, killing my dreams, and eventually lose the love of my life.
with love and hate,
-Magda
